I've been quiet on here lately, spending more time in the immediate present. Things have been percolating for quite some time now that I've been hesitant to talk about in any public way until such time as I was ready to tell the parents. Well, when the parents were about to head home from Aidan's birthday party, it was time to tell them.
John and I have decided to separate.
Aidan knows. We keep him in the loop and include him in decision-making. We are taking his feelings, wants, and fears into account. It will be a process. My job starts the 24th, which will start me saving up money to move out on my own. Aidan is staying with John. No one is siccing high-powered lawyers at one another. At most we hope to utilize the services of a mediator. I admit to moments where I feel a sense of loss. Overwhelmingly, it feels like the right thing to do.
OK, so I'm going to accompany Aidan to Buffalo for his week at camp. My Mom's picking us up on Sunday (7/12) and bringing us back Friday (7/17) evening. I will not have access to a car of my own. I might have some free time to hang out, but in all likelihood I'd need a ride. What do you think?
So, I'm back to square one with my relationships. Back to mechanchaos and I needing to figure out whether we're working on things together or separately. I'm hoping we'll truly take the time to work on things together this go-round. I do not think we're ready to dive back into trying to date others without some hefty repair/growth first. It's all too easy to use dating as an escape, and that's not fair to anyone involved. What emotional roller-coasters the past two weeks have been! *grimace* One day at a time, I guess.
rm posted a statement that resonates with me:
"Some days I struggle, and that just has to be okay."
I really needed to read that today. Hopefully I can keep that in mind when I face down more challenging days.
As I was peeking through all the various sentiments about Michael Jackson, one thing occurs to me. His narration of the E.T. vinyl-and-book set was the first time I wondered, "Is that a girl or a guy?" To this day I have a soft spot for androgyny. Not that I think I would have turned out differently had another individual been the one to set the gears in my head a-turning. Just sayin'
I'm posting this because I cannot count the number of times I've gone to the movies only to be left wondering, "Where are all the women? Where are all the women's stories?" If any of you reading my page have the means to help this woman produce her movie, I urge you to lend a hand. At the very least, please take the time to read this in full. Our stories are out there. Our voices are here. Let's use them.