(no subject)

[felicula]

I've noticed a bunch of people posting links to the article about bisexuality in women. In the wake of this, one comment in phinnia's journal got me thinking about what my bisexuality means to me. As of last Samhain, I've been dating my husband for a decade. As of January 6, I've been married to him for 9 years. We have an 8 year old son. From the outside, we look like the typical heterosexual family. Yet I get rather angry if anyone suggests that this means I am not bisexual.

Granted, these days my bisexuality takes the form of being a lech. I ogle hot women when I'm out and about, whether or not I will ever meet them. Then again, I ogle people in general. I'm a visual person, and certainly not opposed to being labeled a voyeur.

Lately, mechanchaos and I have been discussing whether polyamory would be right for us. This has opened up my thoughts in the direction of my sexual identity as well. It has been so long since I dated women, I'd be relearning a lot if I started. I think, for me, some of it is being attracted to people, regardless of what gender the people I'm drawn to happen to be. I can remember the intensity of exploring one another's bodies with various significant others in my past. In some ways, I've "settled" into more heterotypical sexual play. A hard penis can be a straightforward hallmark of arousal, and intercourse a straightforward thing to do with it, regardless of the dominance and submission play that may go with it.

I think I need to revisit exploring my body. There are so many ways a body can be sensual with or without intercourse. Experimenting could show me all the ways I've changed over a decade. Anyone who says there aren't benefits to masturbation is missing out on pleasure and self-knowledge alike...

So, back to the bisexuality stuff... Whether or not we decide to open up our relationship, I feel my bisexuality is an important part of who I am. I feel that my relationships with women were as vital, as loving, and as valid as any of my relationships with men.

It is easy to fall into heterotypical patterns, though. It's easy not to have to explain complicated relationships to family members who may or may not be open to them. It's easy to walk down the street in obvious couplehood with my husband. It was so much tougher the day I wore my "Bisexual Not Invisible" t-shirt out and about: "What if she caught me ogling her! It's obvious that I'm not just looking at her outfit! *gasp* Yes, I'm looking at boobies!"

I probably ought to revisit this line of thinking periodically... My bisexuality is a part of who I am. I find it frustrating that bisexuality is so frequently marginalized in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities. I would like to be more "out," which is a challenge for those of us who are bi in heterosexual relationships.