Today's web surfing led me through a Google image search for the word "rubenesque." Among the fine art photographs and BBW photo personals, I stumbled upon an ad campaign that unfortunately didn't make it very far in America. (It seems Mattel sent them a cease and desist order.)

( Am I the only one who would want a doll like this? )

Seriously. I would love to have a doll like that around. When I was young, I used to enjoy creating clothes for my larger dolls. (I never owned Barbies.)

What do you think?

Between the refreshing cold, the sunny sky, and my re-acknowledged need to get back in shape, I decided to head out for a walk in the snowless, chill still-life of the local landscape. I strapped on those longtime friends of mine, my hiking boots. I remembered that even my cold tolerant skin could use an extra jacket, a hat, and a pair of gloves, and proceeded to remind myself of just why I should be doing this much more often.

With the wave of depression that came after my hysterectomy, I fell back into my habits of emotional eating. I admit, after all that work losing weight last year, I am almost back up to where I was. A week or so ago, I weighed in at 260 lbs. Ouch.

Worse than the weight itself, I can feel the negative effects it is having on my heart and lungs. I can't walk as far or as fast without overdoing it. I feel thick, stiff, and heavy, as if I have a lead vest harnessed around my middle. My derrière and my thighs feel equally weighed down. As much as I enjoy walking, and like the park down the street for walking in, it was hard work. Granted, it's the kind of hard work that I really need to do more often.

Tomorrow evening I intend to go to the Rochester Women's Community Chorus to see how that works out for me. If I am going to be singing, I owe it to myself to work on my lung capacity, my abdominal strength, and my breath support. If for no other reason, this should motivate me to bring a little more motion into my life. I have no desire to be a shapeless stick figure, but I do want to be able to breath deeply enough to hold my own in a song without grabbing way too many catch breaths.

I have a bad habit of obsessing over goals. Granted, that got me from my high of 273 down to 212-ish last year. Still, I don't want to end up right back where I am now next year. I want to strike a healthy, sustainable balance. Wish me luck and perseverance?

For the longest time I've worn no-wire 44D bras in cotton-spandex blends. Saturday I got fitted since things had been hanging loose for some time now. She measured me at 41DD, but the 42DD no-wire cotton-spandex blend bras I got fit just fine, with shrink room to spare. It feels awesome to be properly supported again, smaller, yet with bigger breasts. Whee!

I was missing the spinach for what I had in mind for dinner tonight.

In the old days, I would give myself incentive to walk the 9/10ths of a mile to Tops by buying a dessert to bring home. With my current weight loss goals in mind, I realized that would not work. As I was lacing them on, I noticed just how ratty my old laces were getting. So, rather than purchasing a half-gallon of ice cream, I spent a little less on a new set of laces for my hiking boots.

My regular exercise is paying off. The hill between here and Tops that used to leave me winded did not this time. Not on the way there, nor on the return trip. The cold got to me more than the snow or the exertion did, through my several layers. (mechanchaos, I wore a heavy coat.)

This walk was similar to the one which would take me to the local YMCA and back. Now to apply for financial aid. I fantasize about getting back into Cybex-style strength training and having a greater variety of cardio machines to work with. And, swimming! Can't forget the swimming...

Today, I skipped the jogging, but did spend 25 minutes on the Nordic Trak. For consistency's sake, I also had 5 minutes of walking both as warm up and cool down and my habitual before-and-after stretches. When I began this adventure in weight loss, I could not make it past 8 minutes on the Nordic Trak. Now it is coming almost as easy to me as walking is.

You're witnessing me finding pieces of me I thought were lost and building new parts I never thought I would have. :)

By the way, this weigh-in I was down to 240.

Today, as with many winter days, I went to put lotion on my abominably dry elbows only to discover that they were not abominably dry. In fact, all the little dry bumps that would prickle my fingers when I put on lotion or otherwise touch my arms were smooth and supple.

( How the hell did working on my weight help my skin? )