felicula | (no subject)

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Current Location: BPAL - Shub Niggurath
Current Music: jonathan coulton - "that spells DNA"

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Between the refreshing cold, the sunny sky, and my re-acknowledged need to get back in shape, I decided to head out for a walk in the snowless, chill still-life of the local landscape. I strapped on those longtime friends of mine, my hiking boots. I remembered that even my cold tolerant skin could use an extra jacket, a hat, and a pair of gloves, and proceeded to remind myself of just why I should be doing this much more often.

With the wave of depression that came after my hysterectomy, I fell back into my habits of emotional eating. I admit, after all that work losing weight last year, I am almost back up to where I was. A week or so ago, I weighed in at 260 lbs. Ouch.

Worse than the weight itself, I can feel the negative effects it is having on my heart and lungs. I can't walk as far or as fast without overdoing it. I feel thick, stiff, and heavy, as if I have a lead vest harnessed around my middle. My derrière and my thighs feel equally weighed down. As much as I enjoy walking, and like the park down the street for walking in, it was hard work. Granted, it's the kind of hard work that I really need to do more often.

Tomorrow evening I intend to go to the Rochester Women's Community Chorus to see how that works out for me. If I am going to be singing, I owe it to myself to work on my lung capacity, my abdominal strength, and my breath support. If for no other reason, this should motivate me to bring a little more motion into my life. I have no desire to be a shapeless stick figure, but I do want to be able to breath deeply enough to hold my own in a song without grabbing way too many catch breaths.

I have a bad habit of obsessing over goals. Granted, that got me from my high of 273 down to 212-ish last year. Still, I don't want to end up right back where I am now next year. I want to strike a healthy, sustainable balance. Wish me luck and perseverance?

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*hug* *luck*

Besides, I don't think you could ever be a "shapeless stick figure." Not without further surgery s:)

(Though I do know someone down here who had breast reduction surgery, in November I think. It was basically outpatient and she went home as soon as she was awake, able to move around a bit, and could swallow some crackers and ginger ale without feeling sick. Her mom took care of transportation and stayed with her for about a week afterwards.)

***hug back*** Thank you.

You're probably right about that, and breast reduction surgery isn't something I'd consider unless it meant the difference between constant back pain and the lack thereof. My chest is part of my topography which I would prefer remain mountainous. :) I think I was a C or D back into high school when I was between 150 and 180 pounds...

*nod* And for

sskipstress, it was a health thing, approved by her insurance and everything s:)

Makes sense. My Mom has a friend at work who had a breast reduction for health reasons as well.

With my migraines often being caused by neck strain, I will likely be able to get a reduction covered by insurance as well.

Do you think you will go that direction with it? ***hugs***

It depends on weight loss. If I can get to where I am comfy and can maintain, and am still hefty chested, yes, I would consider it. I was a full C before babies, so that is what I would aim for. Full enough to be there, but not as...overflowing...as I am currently :)

Even now, it sounds good, but having the build I have, it wouldn't look good. I'm not worried about it...there's lots of time to consider it.

Definitely reasonable. ***hugs lots*** I think you're nicely proportional as you are, but it's totally understandable if you get to the point where it the benefits would outweigh the drawbacks.

I certainly want to keep my proportions...just on an overall smaller scale. That is going to be one of more pressing questions once I get to see the doctor...can I do this without losing my curves? I don't want to be size 6. I just want to be a healthier weight. And still have some dock and balcony!!!

If you were a C before Brandon and Dakota were born, I doubt you'd totally lose your curves... Your figure seems similar to mine in that respect. :)

I wish luck, perserverance and a healthy, sustainable balance for both of us. *loves and hugs*

I was told not to set "THE WEIGHT GOAL" because of the stress. I remember you did it based on percentage of weight. I heard on the radio not long ago that a 1 - 2 lb loss a week is the best way to get it gone and keep it that way, even if it takes that much longer to get there. At this point, I don't know what to shoot for in that arena, so I have opted for the goal of swimming at least 2 times a week, aiming for 3 as I get stronger, with the treat of a leisurly soak in the hot tub afterward :) No stress of numbers there :)

***loves and hugs back*** Yep, 1-2 pounds a week is healthy as numbers go. At the moment, I think I need to aim more for performance than numbers. I need to ask questions like, can I breathe better? Can I take walks without my heart racing so easily? Can I dance for more than a couple songs in a row without getting dizzy and shaky? Can I sing longer phrases without a catch breath or three thrown in. Here's hoping that is a good strategy to resume with.

***hugs more*** I wish you luck, perseverance, and healthy balance for you as well!

*hugs* and *luck*

I deal with this a lot, too... and have swung -75lbs one year and +75lbs the next. I think you're right, though, that the key is to focus on the feelings that cause the eating, rather than the eating or the numbers, themselves. Also, the health feelings are more significant than the numbers, as well.

If we were better emotionally regulated, then things would be easier, I think.
*more hugs*

I think so too, regarding focusing on the feelings that cause the eating. It's tough! There are so many times when I really need to dredge my subconscious to get to the core of what's up with me at any given time. Despite conscious work toward better communication with myself and with others, I still have times when the problems are under a few layers. I grew up in a family where, "wouldn't you have more fun playing outside?" from my Mom really meant, "I'm sick of you loafing around the house watching TV, please go outside before my nerves fray any more." I have a lot of talking around the issues to unlearn.

***hugs back lots***

*imagines having a hidden dial, like an old thermostat, and turning it to make myself less hormonal and stressed*

*giggles* Sorry...random sillyness :)

I think there are millions, including us, who wish it were that easy!!!

I wouldn't wish to necessarily be less emotional, but I would very much wish that the 'over eat' response to the emotions would take a flying leap.

*begins to wonder exactly where on the body the dial would go...*

Perhaps it would be a slider that runs the length of the spine... Then again, if it was there it'd be all too fun to muck around with its settings. ;)

Oh dear, no more back rubs or spine tickles!! That would be tragic!!

***evil grin***

it could never be that simple:) do do do.. hey it looks someone is logged into Beth as root.. and they are altering certing functions.. Ports access parameters to hand held device. :)

(At work logs in.. 10 am a little horny.. 11 am really horny 12pm you really want a danish.. 1pm Intense attraction to the nearest person to you duration 10 minutes... )

LOL!!!! In some hands, this could be fun! Remote control Domming :)

Sooo....do you crave danish when you're horny???

OK, that remote control domme idea has got my interests... and some other parts of me... piqued!

that would be great! I'll look at Home Depot next time.
;)

I wish you all those things and more. :)

I'm hoping to get to the choral group tomorrow night as well, but this is a busyish week - doc appt for me tomorrow, exit interview at work Wednesday, maybe therapy on Thursday... and somewhere in there will be Oliver's work-at-the-office day. Augh! But I'm afraid if I don't get to the group tomorrow night, I won't make it the next week either.

Thank you! ***hugs***

Now

mechanchaos is saying his team lead can only guarantee the schedule shift for January and February. ***ughs*** It throws me back into confusion. It would be unfair to the chorus for me to commit to going if I don't know if I can continue going... I mean, missing because I'm sick or because something unexpected comes up is human, but suddenly dropping out because of schedule foo is wholly unhelpful. I think of joining a chorus like joining a team. I don't know what to do. I want to go, I dearly want to go. I don't want to start going only to end up unable to continue!

UGH! Let me know what you decide? I'm a big chicken and won't likely go by myself. :/

The more I think about it, the more I think I will terribly regret it if I don't try. I'm leaning toward going anyway.

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