(no subject)

[felicula]

Today, as with many winter days, I went to put lotion on my abominably dry elbows only to discover that they were not abominably dry. In fact, all the little dry bumps that would prickle my fingers when I put on lotion or otherwise touch my arms were smooth and supple.



Well, in September I started seeing a therapist for an eating disorder. About the same time, I also found a link to SparkPeople, which I used sporadically.

Let me back up a bit. In high school, I spent about a year losing 40 pounds as a bulemic. I got down to 140 and was damn proud of it. I thought I was over the bulemia when I went to college. My weight crept up to 160, 170, and finally 180. I got pregnant and was 240 before my son was born. After I had my son, I got down to 220, up to 240, yo-yo'd for years until a year of depo-provera shot me up 40+ pounds from the 230 I'd been the year before. At my worst last summer, that I can remember, I weighed in at 279. Purging was looking mighty attractive again. When I started therapy, I weighed 272 pounds.

A lot of what my therapist said made sense. Then again, I'd been on the diet rollercoaster for so long that I did not believe any of that could help me.

Over the summer I'd had an emotional crash which had fueled my acceptance of therapy in the first place. I had another after a family reunion in November. This time when my therapist suggested trying medication for my depression and anxiety, I realized that it was worth a try.

Hello Prozac.

At the same time I started taking Prozac (20mg a day), I started seeing a nutritionist, and finally got the hang of drinking at least 8 cups of water a day. I stopped drinking pop. Instead of snacks by the computer, I had a water bottle. In fact, 12 cups a day became comfortable. I started tracking my water intake on SparkPeople. By the end of December, my water weight had dropped, the Prozac was making definite progress, and I was really ready to commit to getting better.

I began exercising as many days a week as I could get myself motivated to. Since I had more energy and less anxiety, I found it pretty easy to at least walk or dance indoors for a length of time most days of the week, setting a timer and just keeping myself moving until it went off. I started getting on the old nordic trak in the back room once in a while. With exercise, my thirst went up, and I was getting 16 cups of water in an exercise day. I started tracking my exercise time, then what I ate on SparkPeople.

Friday night, I noticed I was coming down with a cold. Whereas I used to spend the entire winter sick with something, this was the first that was really bogging me down since December started. After a dream about being parched Friday night, I had 18 cups of water on Saturday. I kept my bottle by my bedside. Yesterday, I had a day of rest. I kept a water bottle by my side at all times. By the time I went to bed, I'd had 28 cups of water. It is about 10 A.M. here, and I've already had 12 cups today.

OK. I get it. I used to be so damn dehydrated. Those dry bumps were my body's way of saying it didn't have enough moisture to provide for less vital things than, say, my blood and my brain.

I am certain that my thirst will go down once I kick this cold on its butt. I am feeling so much better today already. However, I am learning how to listen to my body. If I keep this up, perhaps I can keep my newly smooth elbows and forearms for good.

In case you're wondering, at my last weigh-in, I was 252 pounds. That was almost a week ago. Slow and steady wins the race, as my memory likes to remind me now. Maybe by the end of June I'll be below 210. Maybe by my birthday in September I'll be below 200 even if I get a hysterectomy in early July and take eight weeks to recover fully. Also, SparkPeople is free. It offers trackers for many goals, excellent advice on nutrition, motivation, and exercise. It has recipes available but allows you to track your own foods as well. It includes message boards and other motivational incentives. In fact, since I told my eating disorder therapist (recovering from binge disorder herself) about it, she has been using SparkPeople and recommending it to other patients.

Getting treatment for my eating disorder, anxiety, and depression was a turning point for me, but SparkPeople is going to help me keep going until I find a healthy weight to settle down at.