(no subject)

[felicula]

This week's weigh-in, I was down to 236.5. I was gleeful at that without any other thoughts. Then, today, something occurred to me that brought me to tears.

After my stint of bulimia in high school, I used to either say or think to myself that that was the best 40 pounds I'd ever lost. Considering that at my highest last summer I was 279, I am down by more than 42 pounds. I cannot and WILL NOT ever say that the bulimia weight loss is the best. NOT EVER AGAIN!

This -- this right here -- is the best 40 pounds I have ever lost. I can still eat cookies. I can still eat fudge. I still indulge in meringues and go out to eat once in a while. Exercise is more a hobby than a chore now. I feel great. I have more energy than ever. My skin is softer. I feel stronger. I am not beating myself up. I am eating healthier and tastier. I can still lunch on SpaghettiOs with Meatballs if I am so inclined. I don't have the worry of who's going to walk in if I throw up, or whether I'm going to injure myself doing so. Neither do I have the problem of deprivation dieting followed by binging. I eat when I am hungry. I drink when I am thirsty. I move my body around. I have a better sex life. It is great!

I can't say it enough. This is the best 40 pounds I've ever lost.

Comments

[belleweather.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! As someone who still battles disordered eating nd body image, I'm extra super proud of you!

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

YAY! *hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. This will still be challenging me for the rest of my life, but it feels excellent to be at a point where I know I am making progress and I know that sticking with it will keep up the progress. I wish you strength and motivation in your own battle with it!

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** I am struck by the fact that this milestone hadn't occurred to me until today. My weigh-in day is Tuesday. I had been dwelling on the fact that I need to get down to 230 to be completely rid of the Depo-Provera weight gain that had boosted me up so high. But when I realized it, this milestone turned out to be even more meaningful than getting the Depo weight off will be. Thanks for the Yay! :)

[mechanchaos.livejournal.com]

You are doing great!!


Thank you for helping me start to live a more examined life.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

You are doing great as well!

You can thank me all you want, but really it was you who made the choice to join in. You have the strength to choose to exercise when I am not. You have the willpower to have a doughnut responsibly. Above all, it is you who are examining your life.

I love you. ***hugs and kisses lots***

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

Good for you! I spent most of my life dealing with eating disorders so I can honestly say that you are on the best track possible. Not for losing weight but because you've developed such a healthy attitude towards yourself and your health.

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

*is so proud of BOTH of you!*

*hugs & loves*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs and loves back***

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

The weight loss is definitely a perk, though. ;) So is going out to shovel and wanting to do extra for the exercise. Thanks for the support!

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

Getting and staying in shape is so much about changing a person's lifestyle and you get that. It would be nice if people could go on a diet, lose weight, and truly keep it off but it never works out unless you make permanent changes and keep tose changes in effect. You have the right attitude. It's tough sometimes to get off my butt and do things just because I know I need the exercise. I have good days and bad days, but more good days fortunately!

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I think this weekend has been the biggest challenge I have faced so far. Visiting at my mom's house, both where I was bulimic and where I have the habit of snacking incessantly, was tough in itself. Worrying about my dad didn't help either. I don't know where the strength is coming from, but I'm finding more of it every day.

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

That's funny that you mention that. I was bulimic from the time I was 12 and didn't really start to recover until my mid-twenties. And even after that I would have periods of times where I would have set backs. My mom has a two family house and I put a bunch of money in the lower half so David and I could move in and even though I am not going to act on the urges, I get these urges to make myself throw up the way I used to when I lived with her. It's really strange to feel myself regress like that. I guess my saving grace is being pregnant and knowing better than to do it. But it feels like I am retraining my mind again.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

It is eerie how much setting can influence the psyche. You probably are retraining your mind again. It's not easy. Pregnancy is an excellent motivation not to act on the urges, though! I wish you strength and continued success at battling the influence of the past and the location.

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

thank you! Good luck to both of us, right? I think the hard part for me might be after I give birth. But either way, I'll work through it.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Definitely good luck to both of us.

Yeah, even though I had nine months worth of preparing to have Aidan, it was still tough to adapt to being Mom. Though in my case I was less inclined to throw up and more inclined to just binge. I hope that adapting to motherhood will go smoothly for you!