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when my parents came to drop aidan off today, my mom said my dad wasn't doing well
nothing could have prepared me for opening the apartment door to see my dad sprawled against the wall, eyes unfocused, and somehow still tottering even though he was sitting down
a mental image flashed inside of me of some homeless drunk close to passing out in a subway station
he kept saying things like "i don't understand" and "i'm so confused" then when my mom tried to coax him back downstairs "this is so embarrassing" at least he had the wherewithall to know that he caused the embarrassment himself
it took something like 20 minutes to half an hour to get him back downstairs and out to the car i wonder how in blazes he got himself up the stairs to begin with, or even why he got out of the car in the end it took my mom,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mechanchaos, and i to help him down the front steps and out to the car again
i used to think that i hated my fater that can't be true i wouldn't worry so much or get so sad to see him like that if i hated him i could just shrug it off an make callous comments about it being all his fault without it affecting me at all
but that isn't the way it is
some of the things he said made me laugh uncontrollable at the time, though it was that kind of manic laughter that accompanies stressful situations
and once they left, i cried
i don't know what to say
EDIT: when we got in from a grocery run, the phone was ringing
my mom telling me they were home safely
she and i talked a little about my dad
what really scares me is that she only saw him have two beers... he'd driven himself home from a doctor appointment today, and somewhere between the doctor's office and their driveway was where he picked up the bulk of his BAC
that isn't the first time... one day the police showed up at his door because he'd been seen throwing out a beer can in a community center parking lot before driving home he only got a warning then...
it makes me wish my dad wouldn't be allowed to drive alone
my mom sloughed off that idea
i'm scared that my dad's binges will turn deadly - regardless of whether it is for him, or for someone else
nothing could have prepared me for opening the apartment door to see my dad sprawled against the wall, eyes unfocused, and somehow still tottering even though he was sitting down
a mental image flashed inside of me of some homeless drunk close to passing out in a subway station
he kept saying things like "i don't understand" and "i'm so confused" then when my mom tried to coax him back downstairs "this is so embarrassing" at least he had the wherewithall to know that he caused the embarrassment himself
it took something like 20 minutes to half an hour to get him back downstairs and out to the car i wonder how in blazes he got himself up the stairs to begin with, or even why he got out of the car in the end it took my mom,
mechanchaos, and i to help him down the front steps and out to the car againi used to think that i hated my fater that can't be true i wouldn't worry so much or get so sad to see him like that if i hated him i could just shrug it off an make callous comments about it being all his fault without it affecting me at all
but that isn't the way it is
some of the things he said made me laugh uncontrollable at the time, though it was that kind of manic laughter that accompanies stressful situations
and once they left, i cried
i don't know what to say
EDIT: when we got in from a grocery run, the phone was ringing
my mom telling me they were home safely
she and i talked a little about my dad
what really scares me is that she only saw him have two beers... he'd driven himself home from a doctor appointment today, and somewhere between the doctor's office and their driveway was where he picked up the bulk of his BAC
that isn't the first time... one day the police showed up at his door because he'd been seen throwing out a beer can in a community center parking lot before driving home he only got a warning then...
it makes me wish my dad wouldn't be allowed to drive alone
my mom sloughed off that idea
i'm scared that my dad's binges will turn deadly - regardless of whether it is for him, or for someone else
