(no subject)

[felicula]

I came home today to see the answering machine blinking "04". Try as I might, I couldn't get them to play. One was saved. Another was my husband's team lead and has been addressed already. That leaves two blinkies that I have no clue about. If anyone on here happend to try to leave a message, let me know so I can put the mystery to rest. All the rest of you, kindly take note that any answering machine messages from now on will not get through (unless we purchase a new machine which is unlikely under current circumstances).

I recently had the opportunity to attend a Zen workshop at the Rochester Zen Center. It was an all-day affair including a lesson on postures and several sessions of zazen (sitting meditation) and one of kinhin (walking meditation). I decided that evening that I want to give Zen a shot. Since then, not perfectly but as best I can, I've been taking time for zazen daily. I went back the day after the worshop for the sitting, chanting, and teisho (talk given by the roshi). I think this is something I want to encorporate in my life. Of all the philosophies and religions I've dabbled in or surveyed, Buddhism is the one with the most direct correlation to the beliefs I hold.

There is something inexplicably alive in the Zen Center. Hell, even the spare decorations in the room we were in for the workshop were changed between the time we left the dining/lecture room for sitting and returned to have lunch. In this day and age where many churches are replacing their bells with recordings and amplifiers, everything there was real: the bells, the woodblock and mallet, the wooden clappers, the wooden drum, the enormous cast metal bowl that was struck and sounded one of the most beautiful, deep bell sounds. The community and the good feelings there were real too. It had little of the plastic concern of the suburban church of my childhod or the sincere but distant kindness shown by those at my parents' church. I think it is a place I could be myself.

Regardless of where my path takes me, I doubt I'll lose sight of where I've been. I still love the magic of Christmas time. I still appreciate pagan symbolism. I'm still likely to get a christmas tree, though part of me is curious about the potted ones that don't get cut down.

I'm in an odd place re: presents, though. I'm still like a little kid; I enjoy the surprise of opening up packages. Though I've been really pulling away from clutter and from commercialism. So many toys and trinkets and kitchen gadgets are all well and good, but I really don't need them. I know I don't need them. I need to clear out the clutter here much more than I need them. The spare elegance of the Zen Center reminded me of the part of me that enjoys simplicity and cleanliness. I guess if I could wish for something this season, I would wish for the motivation to clear out of all my clutter, to take stock of what I actually need and let go of or pass along the rest. I would also wish for a modest house of our own that wasn't likely to fall apart on us in a year. This apartment has served us reasonably well, but it's not in a condition that cultivates peace of mind.

Then again, the really selfish side of me wishes for broadband and a WoW account all my own (or shared with my husband). It isn't like I need it. Hell, part of me doesn't even want that. The computer is my weakness, I guess. I'd love my own meditation cushions, but I'm particular about what I'm interested in and the website I know that sells them is offline, so I won't go into those details. Eh. I hope my mom doesn't decide to get me another kitchen appliance. I love the ones she got me, really I do. I just don't know where to put the ones I have. Anything else would overwhelm. There's music and movies I like, but they tend to be off the beaten path. Eh. I guess I should listen to the frugal, simple side of me and not care about presents.