amen, amen. I've been thinking about this for years, as well. In fact, it's part of why I wear pink, and wear a rainbow badge holder at work, and have a huge rainbow stripe on my car. One of my coworkers recently said... "You're married, and you're not looking, so why the rainbow? Why advertise??"
... she just doesn't get it.
I told her I had no interest in living a lie, even if it is a lie of ommision or suggestion. Just because everything looks het and normal, and I can certainly look het and normal, doesn't mean I want people to think I am het and normal. I want people to know who I really am. If they relate to me, I want them to relate to me knowing I'm a bisexual guy who is poly. I want them, if nothing else, to know that bisexuals exist, and that we're nice, normal looking people and we have normal lives, and that we're funny and successful and make good and honest friends that you can rely on.
I always have to correct people, when they say, "Well, you're gay, so..." and I say, "No, I'm bi." They usually say... "well, close enough..." then say something else about gay people. I retort, "I'm not gay! I'm bi!"
It takes a while. I guess what it is for me is living honestly. If I relate to people, and I know that they're relating to me thinking I'm straight... then I feel like I'm lying to them. If they think I'm a little queer and a little different, but still a very nice guy, then I feel like a real person and that they are real friends, because they know the "real" me, and they like, or even love (as a friend) me anyway.
(Oh, and yeah, I get that looking at guys, thing... I feel more conspicuous looking at guys when I'm wearing a bright pink shirt or pulling out my pink Hello Kitty wallet, but still, it's somehow more satisfying to me to know that they know that I'm looking at them AND I'm queer.)
*hugses* and thanks so much for posting this... It helped me a lot to focus my thoughts.
Oh... and if you don't mind, I think I might excerpt my own comment and post it on my own blog just because I've been trying to frame this concept for quite some time.
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Date: 2008-01-19 01:06 am (UTC)... she just doesn't get it.
I told her I had no interest in living a lie, even if it is a lie of ommision or suggestion. Just because everything looks het and normal, and I can certainly look het and normal, doesn't mean I want people to think I am het and normal. I want people to know who I really am. If they relate to me, I want them to relate to me knowing I'm a bisexual guy who is poly. I want them, if nothing else, to know that bisexuals exist, and that we're nice, normal looking people and we have normal lives, and that we're funny and successful and make good and honest friends that you can rely on.
I always have to correct people, when they say, "Well, you're gay, so..." and I say, "No, I'm bi." They usually say... "well, close enough..." then say something else about gay people. I retort, "I'm not gay! I'm bi!"
It takes a while. I guess what it is for me is living honestly. If I relate to people, and I know that they're relating to me thinking I'm straight... then I feel like I'm lying to them. If they think I'm a little queer and a little different, but still a very nice guy, then I feel like a real person and that they are real friends, because they know the "real" me, and they like, or even love (as a friend) me anyway.
(Oh, and yeah, I get that looking at guys, thing... I feel more conspicuous looking at guys when I'm wearing a bright pink shirt or pulling out my pink Hello Kitty wallet, but still, it's somehow more satisfying to me to know that they know that I'm looking at them AND I'm queer.)
*hugses* and thanks so much for posting this... It helped me a lot to focus my thoughts.
Oh... and if you don't mind, I think I might excerpt my own comment and post it on my own blog just because I've been trying to frame this concept for quite some time.
*more hugs*
thanks!!!