(no subject)

[felicula]

Last night, a little after ten, my Dad passed away. I arrived on the 11th floor of Buffalo General in time to see the doctor officially pronounce him dead. My Mom, Aunt, and Uncle were there, as was one of my Dad's friends.

I would like to thank kareila for her comment the other day about her Grandmother. At the time, it came as a shock to my system to think that my Dad might not be around much longer. Her comment helped me prepare for the worst. It influenced my decision to come here last weekend. I am glad I did. It was the last time I saw my Father alive.

Now, I need to help my Mom make decisions about the funeral arrangements. I will be learning a lot about this process.

Thank you, also, to everyone who has shown support to me here, in email, or in real life. You add to my strength.

Thank you to hbbtrbbtbcnbt and kolys for being on the phone when I made my calls last night after my Mom finished making hers.

I love you all.

Comments

[kareila]

I'm glad I was helpful to you in this difficult time, and that you were able to see your father again before he passed on. I think the most difficult aspect of dealing with my grandmother's death was that I was too far away for more than a phone call when she got sick, and she was so optimistic when I talked to her that I didn't think the end was near.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you so very much. I am sorry you did not get to see your Grandmother before she died. ***hugs lots***

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

I love you back, and I'll be around on AIM this morning, or reachable by e-mail this afternoon (or by phone this evening).

Please keep me posted about funeral information - Oliver and I (presumably along with Beth) will want to be there, if at all possible.

Further words fail me, but know that I love you (and John, and Aidan), and am thinking/praying about you all (and your Mom), and will deliver as many hugs as you can stand, when I am able to see you in person.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I love you too. Thank you so much for being there. The company made a situation that could be depressing and awkward into a real celebration. That meant the world to me. ***hugs tightly and loves lots***

[sheltered-dream.livejournal.com]

*hugs* My sympathies to you and your family hun. I know how hard it is to do all this now. When my mother passed away, I had days of numbness where I was perfectly calm and able to make all the plans in the world that needed done. It took it a while for things to sink in about all that had happened in the preceeding weeks. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and the whole family. *hugs tightly again*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for coming to the wake. It was excellent to talk and hang out. ***hugs tightly back***

[bizarrogirl.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry. Please know I'm thinking of you all. ((hugs))

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I deeply appreciate the support.

[phoenixsong]

I'm glad you got to see him again, and were able to find some peace from it. I'm glad I e-mailed you, and I'm glad I told aquinasprime last night; I've got this crazy sense right now that we SHA girls women need to stick together. (Did someone slip me the kool-aid when I wasn't looking?)

You take care of what you need to take care of. I'm here, and we'll deal with the rest later.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you for telling aquinasprime. I showed my senior yearbook to dawnstar, kolys, hbbtrbbtbcnbt, and Matt while they were here. Revisiting memories was nostalgic, especially since I have come so far as a person since I left SHA. (That also means they saw your junior picture and aquinasprime's sophomore one.)

Things have been busy up until this point. Now I have time to rest, breathe, and recover.

Thank you for your support.

[phoenixsong]

Pictures: Ack! s:)

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Yeah, pictures and text. Remember that ad you guys took out for me in the back?

[phoenixsong]

OMG. I had completely forgotten, actually, since I haven't looked at my yearbooks in ages.

*squishes*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I had forgotten too, but John got out some of my baby pictures in the photo albums, then my Mom brought in the yearbook. By the time we were done MST3King my baby photos I was immune to the embarrassment.

***hugs back***

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** Thank you.

[kolys.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I don't know what I could say that hasn't already been said, but I want you to know we'll be keeping you all in our hearts and minds, and if there's anything at all we can do to help out, we're here for you.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** You and dawnstar have been fantastic. It was wonderful to have your support and your presence here: at both sessions of the wake, in between, after, at the funeral, and at the reception. It fills me with the certainty that I am loved and well-cared-for.

[belleweather.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. I lost my father unexpectedly in 1999, so I know how hard and crappy and painful this time can be. Please take good care of yourself during what I know can be an awful time. Also, please make sure that as you make funeral arrangements you, your siblings and your mother don't have to 'run' the funeral, but that you get to take the time to grieve and process. *hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** Thank you. My Mom had excellent support from Sr. Jeremy at St. Joseph. Though we were responsible for the decisions, she essentially ran the funeral. We were also blessed with many helpful friends and family members.

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

honey oh my God I am so sorry. If I were there right now I would give you a huge hug. I am so sorry! Please tell me if there is anything I can do. Please email me if you want to talk or ANYTHING - melissa322 at coldmail.us.com.

I don't even know what else to say. I was shocked when I read this and I just want you to know you and your father have been very much in my thoughts lately.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

A hearty thank you for your concern and your support. So many of my Father's friends and family were shocked as well. Thankfully being so close to him left me better prepared than most of those who were notified after he died. Preparing for the end for a week is kinder than preparing to go to a wake and funeral in 24 hours or less. I feel very peaceful about everything. I think I was able to share my peace with some of the other mourners. Talking here in LJ has helped me too.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences. I hope David's father is able to work on his own alcoholism at least a little at a time. Hopefully his liver is still strong and will remain so. Even so, I think that caring about an individual while disagreeing with their choices is a positive way to cope. ***hugs***

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

That's good advice. Unfortunately neither one of us could or can force another person to change. It is hard to see something happen to someone like you - someone who is dealing with something so similar - but it also helps not to feel alone in it all.

I'm glad you are willing and able to talk about it. It is hard sometimes. It is hard to put it into words and explain it in a way that feels like it makes sense.

Losing someone is hard because on certain days the pain can be so difficult to deal with and then other days are very easy to handle. If you need anyone, I am here. *hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** You're right. There are times when it seems like I am as strong as the earth itself. Other times I weep like a wilting flower. It feels right to talk about it, though. I am glad that sharing my experiences helps you feel like you are not alone in this. If you ever need to talk about David's dad's problem or have any questions about my experience, I am available. ***hugs more***

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you sweetheart. I am always available for you as well. Always.

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Take care of yourself. *hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** Thank you. I'm doing pretty well myself. Time heals.

[coderlemming.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I just want you to know that even though I haven't been commenting, I have been reading and thinking about you. I hope the funeral helps you and your family find some closure, and don't forget that we're all here if you need to talk about it some more.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. Posting here has been a very fullfilling way to help me cope with the transition. Not only do I get thoughts out of my head and into written media, but I have received so much support from so many different directions. I cannot express how grateful I am to have this outlet. Thank you for reading. ***hugs***

Spirits be with you.

[evilkinggumby.livejournal.com]

Just know in death he will be able to do even more for you in the coming years, being a watchful eye, a guiding light, and a silent soucre of spiritual wisdom as you progress through your own life and that of your child. Whatever the circumstances that may have befuddled the two of you in life, now are completely inert as he can be infinetly more powerful within yours and your families life in death.

so i view my own father's death. he passed, unexpectadly, when i was still a senior in high school. I had not seen him for quit the while beforehand, but we still talk now and again in dreams and meditation.

Good luck working through the next few days/weeks. The preparation and paperwork is a lot of b.s. and it's a all around hassle, but it's also a blessing distraction if you want it to be. At least you can help your mother and hubby is there to help you. Safety in numbers. :)

I'm glad he did not suffer. And i am glad you got to speak with him, quit often, and solidified the bond you two had before it was too late. That will mean a lot from here on out.

Hugs!

-St

Re: Spirits be with you.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reminding me of this. Dealing with funeral arrangements and phone calls left me focusing on what I had to do rather than the spiritual and transcendental side of things. Thankfully that changed today.

I'm also glad that his hospital didn't drag on and on. I am glad I got to find a place of peace, with him and with the situation, before he died.

Thank you so much for caring and for pointing me back toward what I have rather than what I do not have. ***hugs***

Re: Spirits be with you.

[evilkinggumby.livejournal.com]

i read you're description of the days and things that transpired. you continue to amaze me every time you tread past adversity like so many blades of grass, smiling as they tickle your toes! Blessings to you for such insight and wisdom and inner strength!

Re: Spirits be with you.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I don't think I would be able to get to those insights without the support I feel from friends (and the therapy I've been through). I still have my times where I remember something and let the tears flood my eyes. I still clutch tight to the AA coin of his that I took from the dish on my Mom's kitchen counter. I can only hope that sharing my experiences might help others in some way too. No one is alone, no matter how much it may seem so.

[dustkitten.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

For when you need a pick-me-up: http://www.dropline.net/cats/

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** For some reason the page is taking a very long time to load. (My Mom has dialup too, but I think she has less RAM than we do at home. Things take a long time to load anyway, but that one's taking longer. I'll have to try again later. Thank you!

[marared.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm glad you got to say goodbye.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** I'm glad too. Thank you for your comments and your support.

[bluetourmaline.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry that I come in late to hear about this. Sending you big hugs, and peace to you and your family and to him, wherever he has gone.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Support is excellent whenever it comes in. ***big hugs back*** You may be coming into the commenting belatedly, but the peace that you wish has at least come to me in droves. Give me time, I'll see if I can pass it on to my Mom too. :) Thank you.

[hbbtrbbtbcnbt.livejournal.com]

*much hugs and much love*

I am so glad to know that you and your father parted on good terms. Thank you for letting me/us be a part of your life in this way...I said it before, and I'm saying it again: I am proud of you. A few years ago, I don't know that you would have let us in on all that was happening, and let us help. You've grown so much. You've said that you could feel the strength of love, and that it increased your strength...my heart is happy that you were blessed, even in this hard time. You will be able to give this same strength in a huge way at some point, and I think you will do it heartily and with much passion...you're becoming a force, a blessing, and I am blessed to be a part of it, to witness it.

Thank you :)

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I am reading this over and over because I am so touched by your comment. From within myself, I do not always see these things. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Being reminded helps me get things back in perspective when I slip away from it. I feel vibrantly appreciative of your support (as well as Matt's, Dakota's, Brandon's, dawnstar's, and kolys's). Granted, I am appreciative of each and every bit of support I have experienced throughout this. You folks have gone well above and beyond, though. Thank you. Thank you deeply.

***hugs tightly and loves lots***