(no subject)

[felicula]

I have been pondering what makes me tick lately, specifically what overwhelms me. Often enough, these get me to the point of outward crankiness. Much of it seems to be verbal and/or auditory. Some examples:

-trying to listen to more than one person
-composing a post with real content when I have interesting music or music with lyrics on (I'm having much better luck posting this since I didn't put on winamp first...)
-carrying on a conversation in a crowded and/or noisy room
-taking in too many words at once, like when someone tries to teach me something solely by talking at me
-listening to spoken stories with a lot of sidebars, especially if one or more topics was left hanging en route to those sidebars (which often means my brain is stuck churning, wondering what was up with the previous topic and how it connects to the new one... especially a problem to me when no connection was there or intended)
-reading and being talked to at the same time (in fact, if I'm reading first and someone starts talking to me, I am likely not to notice that they are talking to me until I am done reading)


Non-auditory exceptions, though some are still word-oriented. When I read I speak the words internally, and I often think in words:

-being asked to read something while someone is waiting for me to finish or talking to me at the same time
-being asked to read something in a crowded or noisy room
-prioritizing things that have equal value to me, at which point my mental chatter (verbal and non-verbal) ramps up, overlays itself, and sounds like a crowded room
-I can do a decent bit of multitasking, if I don't have to think about what has to come first and can jump from activity to activity with little conscious thought
-learning something that requires different parts of me to be doing different things at the same time can sometimes trigger this, like a choreographed dance routine or driving a car (once it's into my central nervous system and out of the hands of my conscious brain, I'm fine)


By contrast:

-I have some amazing and intense conversations with people close to me
-I love music and singing, words and all.
-I enjoy going to loud Goth clubs to dance (though I am more likely to hold a conversation outside on the patio)
-I have fun in a crowded, noisy room of friends, even when I'm having trouble keeping up with conversation
-I have no problems reading for fun, or taking in information reading when I can take my time at it when necessary


I don't think this is a comprehensive list, neither of triggers nor of exceptions. I think I need to take more time to think about it, to get at the whys and the wherefores. I would like to be able to find workarounds and adaptations to some of these.

I think this sheds some light on at least part of why I am not very extroverted. When I meet people, my brain chatter is loud and competes with the actual conversation going on. So, as long as things are simple (asking for directions, pleasantries) I'm fine, but if there are a lot of people around or I value their opinion more highly than average for whatever reason. Wow, as I type this it sounds to me like I spend too much time stuck in my own head, having mental conversations with myself...

Not too long ago, I filled out the VARK questionnaire. According to that, I am a visual and kinesthetic learner. It makes sense. I put it into practice last night when mechanchaos was teaching me a card game called Frog Juice. I asked him to eschew the verbal instructions, turned down an opportunity to read the instructions and went directly into an interactive, open-hand play-through of the game, complete with explanations of each move he made. I asked questions whenever my brain got stuck mulling over anything that came up, even if that meant interrupting a sidebar. With each turn of mine, I asked what he thought the best move would be. By the end of one practice hand, I had a thorough understanding of how to play with a minimum of confusion and angst.

So, I'm not entirely sure how to proceed from here. I know I will be spending time keeping an eye on my thought patterns and trying to figure out what is contributing to what, and trying out strategies to deal with it. For all the good it contributes, my brain can be a weird entity to deal with.

Comments

[mechanchaos.livejournal.com]

"-taking in too many words at once, like when someone tries to teach me something solely by talking at me
-listening to spoken stories with a lot of sidebars, especially if one or more topics was left hanging en route to those sidebars (which often means my brain is stuck churning, wondering what was up with the previous topic and how it connects to the new one... especially a problem to me when no connection was there or intended)"

Guilty as charged. I am sorry I do that. I feel like owl from Whinnie the Pooh. I dont want to be a fuddy duddy or an absent minded professor guy. Changing my mode of communication probably would be difficult but I noticed at work today it might not be helpful to other people either.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's an invalid way to communicate. I know you and whitesnowrosere can get together and have conversations and sidebars, the kind that leave my brain jogging along the tracks trying to catch up with the train, with no problem. I have difficulty processing it. I think knowing that I have difficulty processing it will help me ask questions when I'm in the beginning stages of overwhelmed instead of getting to the point of, "Ack! Can't deal!" At least that's what I hope.

On the other hand, I realize I am not the only one who learns this way. Perhaps knowing that some people are like this can help you at work too.

[haleth.livejournal.com]

OMG you are me! Except way, way more kinky. ;-)

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***grins*** I like being kinky. :)

Since this issue with words is such an internal part of me, it is easy to forget that I am not the only one who processes information in a similar manner.

Up until recently I thought my hating of crowds was simply an old habit. I hadn't even connected it with the other bits above. Funny how typing it out makes the pattern so much more easily discernible.

Anyhow, I take this as reinforcement that getting to know you is a positive. :)