(no subject)

[felicula]

I heard some things that made me sad today. I was in my bedroom. Both my bedroom and Aidan's bedroom face the street. One of the neighbor's children was calling up to Aidan. I listened as he said things like: "Are you stupid?" "Cheesy boy." "Boob-kisser." "Nasty white boy." "Stinky boy." and "Butt face." to my 3 1/2 year old son in an astonishingly hateful voice. Rage welled inside of me. I am hard-pressed to understand what my son ever did to wrong this kid other than not always be allowed outside to play when he was.

I know I'm not the most social person around. I know also that I don't let Aidan run around outside when mechanchaos or I can't be there to watch him.

This certainly doesn't make me overly anxious to let Aidan play with him and his siblings either. I want to cry. I want to blow up at their mom for being seemingly oblivious to it, for not being outside to keep an eye on her kids more often than not.

I'm wondering what the kid's mom must say about us when we're not around.

I'm also wondering if I am a bad parent.

Comments

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

No, you're not a bad parent.

Yes, even little kids can be THAT evil. Unfortunately.

*hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back***

Thank you. I used to be on the butt end of much childhood derision myself through the years. I guess this is just the first time I've really experienced how painful it is to be the mother of a picked-on child.

[hbbtrbbtbcnbt.livejournal.com]

*feels rage just reading this*

It sucks. It really does. It doesn't matter how good you raise your kids....there's always going to be someone out there who doesn't, and it's beyond sad. It's tragic. Matt and I don't let the boys outside in our neighborhood alone, either, and I know that one of the parents around us says stuff about it. But you know what, I don't care one shred about it. Her kids are well on their way to Juvy. I know that we are making the decisions that are best for our kids, period. You need to do what is best for Aidan. You know him better than anyone, and you are his mother. You can see how this woman's kids are turning out...I wouldn't put too much stock in what she thinks.

I will tell you that it is NOT wrong for you to say something to the kid. It doesn't have to be mean, just something like,' excuse me, this is Aidan's home, and I will not have you speaking to him like that here. Go play, or I will talk to your parents/call the police.' Matt and I have had to do this as well....it totally sucks, but it our case, it needed to be done. Matt has a cooler head in such matters, and he was able to talk to the kids and just say to them that they don't need to be nasty and foul mouthed to be cool or whatever. Sometimes, just a random grown up telling a kid that they sound horrible talking trash ( in a nice way ) can make a big difference. Some of those kids now come over every so often to hang out with Matt. We have some set rules, though, when they are with us, ( no trash talk, no swearing, no picking fights, WILL be nice to the smaller kids ) and they know enough to abide by them, even though they don't do so in other places.

Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. In that case, you guys will need to figure out how best to deal with the situation, and it may come down to keeping Aidan from them. In any case, it's ok to explain to Aidan that how he was spoken to was mean and wrong...this will be a building block for him to learn from, even though it's a painful one. You and I both know what that's like, and I think for us, it magnifies our own pain from when it happened to us. Such a painful lesson....but I know for me, it's a lesson that I benefitted from.

No matter what, you and John are Aidan's parents. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about what you do to ensure his safety, his environment, his sense of wellbeing, his health ( as long as it's not totally out there, ei damaging, but I don't think that's the case at all ). Don't be afraid to stand up.

*lots and lots of big snuggly hugs*

[phoenixsong]

*hugtight* hbbtrbbtbcnbt answered better than I could, in many respects.

I am hard-pressed to understand what my son ever did to wrong this kid other than not always be allowed outside to play when he was.

About the only other thing I could say is that for some kids, yes, simply not being allowed to come out to play is enough. They get mad, they say mean, hateful things, simply because they can't have their way. If that's how this kid is acting, I'd be questioning the parenting skills in his own home rather than my own. It shows one of two things: either a lack of self-censoring by the parent(s) in front of the child for age-appropriate language, or encouraging/not discouraging hateful attitudes towards those who are different.

*more hugs*