(no subject)

[felicula]

It wasn't that long ago that I considered myself pretty damn experienced in varying modes of sexual expression. Don't worry. This post isn't about going out and playing with some random person I've met on the fly.

Today, for the first time, I tried going out in drag.

Admittedly, I cheated. The venue was the Sterling Renaissance Festival The outfit was really more androgynous than it was masculine, and I had a black leather mask with more angular features than my own. I wore the monk's robe I made for myself for wearing in druid rituals. For lack of better equipment, I bound using a several-sizes-too-small sports bra (that really didn't do all that much to make my DDD's disappear), and found an appropriately-sized pair of socks for padding. I think the most elaborate part of my outfit was the walk that I practiced beforehand. Having my head clipper-shorn and speaking with a natural near-tenor didn't hurt either.

What amazed me was that all the people who addressed me (who didn't know me beforehand) used words like "sir," "milord," and "him." I was particularly pleased when a young boy of about 6 did this without hesitation. So many kids, in the case of ambiguity, are apt to ask their parents rather abruptly for clarification. Sure, there were some people who seemed to be puzzling in my direction. Still, it was exhilarating to feel like I could pass at all.

As I drove back to Rochester afterward, my mind kept buzzing with the fact that I did it. Not only did I resolve to try to go to the festival in drag, but I followed through using supplies I had on hand. Plus, it functioned as intended. I barreled out my tenor during the pub sing, and beamed that it went so perfectly with the persona I was wearing.

I feel... energized, thrilled, fascinated... and more. I would not want to live that persona 24-7, but I would be doing myself a disservice to let it get too dusty from disuse.

Only problem seems to be the name. For today, I asked my friends to call me Felix, after my online screen names. I'm not entirely sure the name fits... I have other ideas kicking around in my head. I could go by either Adrian or Connor, both derived from my birth name. It's fodder for thought.

Next time I need to plan ahead. I would like to make myself a full set of guys' renaissance clothes, including doublet, codpiece, and go unmasked. Who knows... maybe I'll find the chutzpah to outfit my alter-ego for a night of clubbing!

Comments

[invisionary]

Sometimes when I do SCAdian dance events I dress intentionally ambiguously for the purpose of easily filling either gender role in teaching. The last time I did it (earlier this year) there was a certain feeling of freedom from gender roles to some degree. The general public, however, I think sees such ambiguity as a bad thing, as there is this driving need to look at a person and decide in about half a second the sorts of things they expect from the person and their initial reactions. If they can't judge gender immediately it leads to confusion, and often a negative reaction if they get the feeling the person is trying to appear neutral.

Honestly, I'd prefer to wear skirts on a regular basis, but it seems like small children have a hard time dealing with genderfuckery, and parents of other children even more so. Somehow there's this idea that when one takes a deeper interest in their gender identity that it is inherently sexual and likely somehow perverse.

FWIW, I consider myself a cisgendered male but with a preference for androgyny when reasonably possible and not feeling particularly lazy about the matter.

[felicula]

I like the idea of exploring this side of me more, especially since I believe gender is as much nurture as nature, if not moreso.

Overall, I consider myself a cisgendered female. My topography may not particularly lend itself to crossing, but my voice certainly does. The current trajectory of my life encourages me to experiment. I can't complain whatsoever about the natural high I got from passing.

Our society does not readily lend itself to ambiguity. I am, myself, in the habit of trying to size up a person at first sight. Yesterday challenged that part of me.