(no subject)

[felicula]

I am so damn glad we came out here to Buffalo. Cooped up in the apartment, I kept feeling like I was going crazy: shaking, crying, pacing...

Getting to ninepointsatyr's apartment was an intense homecoming for me. I am not alone. Each and every one of us there loved keepersrosered. I saw the same emotions I felt reflected in the faces of those around me. The hugs are priceless to me. And, over the course of the evening, ninepointsatyr surprised me by pointing out that I was smiling. And I was, a lot. The tears gradually gave way to the comfort of old camaraderie, and manic humor melted into sincere hilarity.

I think I'm going to leave the details of the evening for those who were there, but I needed to say that tonight was pretty damn special to me. No, it doesn't bring her back, but it shows me that the years have not dissolved the family that grew up around her.

When mechanchaos and I left, I kept thinking, "I love these guys," over and over again.

I mean it. I want to do things better this time. I want to make more time to see folks, and to keep in touch when I can't. And, if any of you find your way over here from the Buffalo contingent would like to friend me and vice versa, just drop me a comment.

I needed this. I felt so much more myself. I found a self that I didn't realize I was missing. The grief will wax and wane. The sense of family is a blessing that I hope will endure.

Comments

[phoenixsong]

*hugtight* I'm so glad you were able to get -- and take -- some comfort from those who could best understand.

Be well.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Me too. ***hugs tight*** I came out of there last night feeling more whole than I had felt in a significant while.

On the weird side, there was a woman there who actually knew whatever happened to Alexa.

[aquinasprime.livejournal.com]

Really? What did ever happen to Alexa? Also, if you're still in town, we'd love for you and John to visit and see the baby.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

She got married, had (blanking now whether 1 or 2), lived in her folks' old place on Lincoln for a time, then moved south. West Virginia I think?

We plan on attending both sets of visiting hours today and the small gathering afterwards, at which point it will be like 10pm or later. So, while we would have liked to visit, I don't think it is practical this time around.

There will be another memorial coming up, so we'll be back in town. As of the last I heard, that was going to be next Sunday. Perhaps Saturday evening might work?

[aquinasprime.livejournal.com]

Next Saturday we're going to a wedding at 2pm with the baby and then my parents are baby-sitting her so we can go to the reception. Sunday is her Baptism, so next weekend probably won't work, unless we were talking a visit around 11am or so on Saturday.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

We'll have to plan for another time then. ***hugs***

[aquinasprime.livejournal.com]

Sounds good.

[cute-evil-bunny.livejournal.com]

that was so awesome that you got to visit with some of your oldest, dearest friends. It always feels good when you get together with some of the people that know you best, or knew you back when.

I am so happy for you that you got to do that.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I really feel blessed to have these people in my life.

There were times I would be down on myself, thinking that I was only there to visit Sarah (over the past few years or so)... Last night proved to me that I was wrong about that, that these people were people I love too.

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

This post makes me smile in a bittersweet sort of way. From what you've told me about Sarah, I think she would be really pleased to know that she brought everyone together, even in her absence.

*hugs you and loves you*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs you and loves you too***

You're right. Sarah would be glad to know that everyone had come together in love, in grief, and in celebration of not just her but one another.

I can picture her standing next to me while I sound surprised at the deep connection I learned to recognize last night, saying "Well, yeah, dumbass. You didn't know that already?!" (A mental image which makes me smile.)

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* Thanks.

[hbbtrbbtbcnbt.livejournal.com]

I am deeply glad that you and mechanchaos went and reconnected with folks who obviously mean alot to you both, and that even in grief, you were found ties that were still strong and good. As dawnstar said, Sarah would be pleased :)

*LOVES!!!*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***nods*** She would have been pleased. ***hugs and loves***