(no subject)

I am so damn glad we came out here to Buffalo. Cooped up in the apartment, I kept feeling like I was going crazy: shaking, crying, pacing...

Getting to ninepointsatyr's apartment was an intense homecoming for me. I am not alone. Each and every one of us there loved keepersrosered. I saw the same emotions I felt reflected in the faces of those around me. The hugs are priceless to me. And, over the course of the evening, ninepointsatyr surprised me by pointing out that I was smiling. And I was, a lot. The tears gradually gave way to the comfort of old camaraderie, and manic humor melted into sincere hilarity.

I think I'm going to leave the details of the evening for those who were there, but I needed to say that tonight was pretty damn special to me. No, it doesn't bring her back, but it shows me that the years have not dissolved the family that grew up around her.

When mechanchaos and I left, I kept thinking, "I love these guys," over and over again.

I mean it. I want to do things better this time. I want to make more time to see folks, and to keep in touch when I can't. And, if any of you find your way over here from the Buffalo contingent would like to friend me and vice versa, just drop me a comment.

I needed this. I felt so much more myself. I found a self that I didn't realize I was missing. The grief will wax and wane. The sense of family is a blessing that I hope will endure.

(no subject)

I would like to say an extra thanks to a bunch of the folks who were there last night.

To amberrattus: To me you seemed like the calm in the eye of the storm. Your strength is amazing.

To ninepointsatyr: You shared freely from your book of memories, both of Sarah and your self. You set aside time to talk amid so much going on.

To laefin: You showed me, vividly, that I was not alone. I loved all the moments of, "wait, I thought I was the only one who felt that way!" I would love to figure out how many such intersections we share. :)

To Pete (who I don't know if he has an lj) for a meal that reminded me that eating was worthwhile, and for his corona of playful mischief.

To Mary (who I know has an lj but I'm not sure what it is) for showing me that even a few well-chosen words can resonate with kinship.

To Petrov (who I don't know if he has an lj) for doing his utmost to keep the mood lightened.

To everyone for their hugs, their support, their companionship, and their kinship. Yeah, I'm being effusive and babbly. Bear with me.