(no subject)

[felicula]

My parents had Aidan over from Saturday until Wednesday. When they came to pick him up, we were all concerned. My dad was yellow. He matched his yellow plaid shirt. His eyeballs were yellow. Everything. He acted like he couldn't see it, even though Aidan was creeped out by it. My mom, mechanchaos, and I all told him he was. All he could reply was that he'd had a dentist appointment earlier and the dentist hadn't said anything.

Well, that dentist was a friend of his from AA. While they were picking up Aidan here, he was leaving messages trying to get in touch with my dad and tell him he wasn't looking so hot.

So, my dad got to move his doctor's appointment from this coming Tuesday to this morning. Now he's checked into Buffalo General Hospital for testing. They don't know anything for sure, yet, but his abdomen was swollen and hard, he was still all yellow, and his ankles, arms, and feet were swollen too. They suspect his liver, and with all the drinking I would not be shocked at all. My mom thought it might be cirrhosis. (And after reading that, I think so too.)

mechanchaos turned to me in the car today and asked, "What if this is fatal?" For years now I have wondered if my dad would drink himself to death. Some people argue that people with cirrhosis due to alcohol abuse shouldn't get liver transplants. Who knows what the end result of this is going to be. I'd like to be as mentally prepared as I can be, though. For better or for worse, he's my dad. He's the only dad I've ever known. If this does end up fatal, I will miss him. So will Aidan.

Comments

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs back*** I'll be keeping your Grandma in my thoughts too.

:(

[mechanchaos.livejournal.com]

Seeing this in print makes me think I was a monster to say so. I just have NEVER seen anyone like that before.

Re: :(

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

You weren't a monster to say so. I was thinking it too. I hadn't realized how much this was getting to me until my mom called after getting home from the hospital. I've been teary tonight wondering what it is and whether this time will be the thing that fells him...

For better or for worse, he's my dad.

Re: :(

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

Commenting here instead of at the other comment because this is so easily relatable for me. I've been in tears a lot of the night too, having similar thoughts. *hugs you and loves you*

Thank you for your thoughts. I haven't posted because there's just... I don't know. I guess I just don't really want to, at this point. But I wanted you to know what's going on. Though I'm sorry for burdening you with it, when you've your own family trouble.

*hugs you more* At least we have each other to lean on.

Re: :(

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

It's OK not to want to post yet. I am not finding it a burden to know that we're both worried about family. It feels supportive. We're both hurting about it. That's OK even though the situations are not. ***hugs lots and lots and lots***

***sings***
Lean on me when you're not strong.
I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on.
For it won't be long 'till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on.

Re: :(

[dawnstar.livejournal.com]

*hugs you so tightly* It means a lot to have you to lean on. I'm glad I can be there for you as well. Perhaps we'll see you tonight or over the weekend. Right now I'm waffling about tonight because I'm just so tired. Going anywhere seems like a huge thing. But maybe later I'll feel differently.

I love you.

Re: :(

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I'm certain we'll be in touch about things. Do what you need to. ***hugs and loves back***

[marared.livejournal.com]

It's bad enough when a parent has a potentially life-threatening illness, but it's even worse when it's the result of long-term bad choices. All the frustration and sadness is amplified, and it makes you wish you had tried even harder to intervene earlier - even though you know full well it would have done little good and you, ultimately, cannot be responsible for another person's poor choices.

And it sucks.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

It does suck. For years, I have tried to influence his choices, with attempts ranging from anger and ultimatums to cajoling and hugs. I'm just glad that I have reached the point where I know I care about him regardless of his choices. I worry about him, but I also know that it is likely he will drink himself to death. I'm sad, and I'm scared, but I feel that I have to take what comes. This isn't something any of us has control over at this point. If he hangs on for another decade or three, he does. If he is gone in a few months or less, I'll be singing "This Is My Song" by Finlandia at his funeral. Eerily enough, he went through my hymnal on Saturday, before thinking much of what is going on, and asked if I'd sing that for him. Yes, it sucks that I might be singing it sooner than later...

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That does not sound good. Definitely does sound like something is going on with his liver. How sad. My husband's dad has always been a drinker but recently he was stopped and given a dui and so now he has had to be sober. Before that happened I was seriously wondering what would happen to him and I still worry. I am so sorry. I know you are probably going out of your mind with worry and yet there is that part of you that has probably been kind of trying to brace yourself for this kind of thing. Please keep me updated.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I've been saying for about a year now that he's going to drink himself to death, especially once he resumed drinking after passing out several times due to being riddled with ulcers. My mom thought that would stop him. It didn't. She thinks this will stop his drinking. Frankly, I don't. I think handling my son's and my mom's reactions will be tougher than handling my own at this point.

Posting here has been keeping me from emotional eating over it, so I can pretty much guarantee updates.

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

I agree with you. I think it takes something very significant to bring a person to the point where they want to change and are committed to stopping the drinking. I can't even figure out what would need to happen specifically either. It is probably different for each person. Health problems never seem to be enough. You would think they would be but where addiction is concerned that really seems to be almost the LEAST of a person's worries. Maybe because they think they are only hurting themself so what's the harm? I know that isn't true, but that's the only rationalization I can think of.

David's dad is upset because he has recently found out he will probably be in jail closer to June than April - which is what he originally thought. I have mixed feelings about it. I feel bad for him on one hand but on the other I feel like if he has any chance at all to stop drinking it would involve staying locked up, understanding there was a consequence for his actions, and staying involved in the programs they have him in. The thing is David feels bad for him and said something about how angry his dad is about not getting out earlier and how he wouldn't blame him if he came out and started drinking again because of it. That bothers me. The last thing this man needs is people making excuses for him to come out and drink again. But he doesn't seem to grasp WHY he's in jail and how much his actions have hurt his family and how lucky his is that he didn't kill someone while driving. When I was 12 a foster girl I lived with and her pregnant case-worker were killed by a drunk driver. I am biased now because of that. The guy who drove drunk hardly got a slap on the wrist and I've had harsh feelings about it since...

Anyway, I feel your pain and I understand more than anything your frustration and helplessness in regard to the situation. My step-dad was an alcoholic and my mom finally left him when I was nine. It was a sad situation. He finally just came right out and chose alcohol over us. He didn't have the desire or the ability to quit drinking.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

When I visited him in the hospital, my dad said he wouldn't be drinking again. He said this had put the fear of God into him. I remember him saying the same thing when he was in for the ulcers.

I hope that David's dad someday understands. ***offers a hug***

[thedoorsgirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Hopefully there will be some kind of turn for the better - in both of our situations.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

I hope so too.

[kareila]

I want to share my relevant experience but it is not good news. My grandmother had similar symptoms and only lived about six weeks after her initial diagnosis. She did not drink, but our best guess is that she took enough Tylenol over a period of time to do her liver in. I hope your father's situation is less dire. Let us know what the doctors say.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

Oof. I hope his situation is less dire, as well. I am not very optimistic. Last year at this time he was randomly keeling over and white as a sheet due to multiple bleeding ulcers. That didn't stop his drinking. It just scared him for a month or so. AA hasn't helped him. (He attends meetings regularly when he's sober enough.) The first time he went into rehab, I was 11 or 12.

I think I want to be mentally prepared for the worst. Knowing that this can be fatal to someone as quickly as it was to your grandmother is helpful to me.

Through all his faults, I still love him. Aidan does too. ***hugs***

[hbbtrbbtbcnbt.livejournal.com]

*much love and HUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSS*

I know we've talked about dad issues and such, so I won't rehash. I am SOO sorry. *prays for you and your family* I love you.

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

***hugs and loves back*** I'm praying too. Thank you. ***hugs more***

[blackfelicula.livejournal.com]

We should get together, if time and schedules permit. Friendly faces are a good thing. ***more hugs***